Gays, Grannies, & Grandes. Southwest pilot just can't find anyone worth banging
A Houston-based airline pilot has been suspended after his cockpit microphone became stuck, allowing an obscenity-laced rant to be broadcast over hundreds of miles. The recording was obtained from the FAA through the federal Freedom of Information Act.
Air Traffic Controller - (ATC) "United 242, you (center up)"
(Stuck microphone begins) Southwest Pilot: "Well, I had Tucson to Indy all four weeks and, uh, Chicago crews…11 out of 12 …there’s 12 flight attendants, individual, never the same flight attendant twice.
"Eleven fucking over the top ass, fucking ass homosexuals and a granny." (silence)
"Eleven. I mean, think of the odds of that. I thought I was in Chicago, which was party-land."
(Possible attempt to interrupt by ATC)
Southwest Pilot: "After that, it was just a continuous stream of gays and grannies and grandes…" (off mic from his copilot - inaudible)
Pilot answers: "Well I don’t give a fuck. I hate 100 percent of their asses."
"So, six months, I went to the bar three times. In six months, three times." (Another possible attempt to interrupt by ATC)
"Once with the granny and the fag, and I wish I hadn’t gone."
"At the very end with two girls, one of them that was part do-able, but we ended up going to the bar and then to the crew at St. Louis, and all these two women wanted to do was, one wanted to berate her sister and the other wanted to bitch about her husband."
"Literally, for three hours, me and the F.O. (First officer). When that was done, got back to my room, I’m like why the fuck did I stay up?"
ATC: "OK, whoever is, uh, transmitting, better watch what you’re saying."
(Tones beeping)
Southwest Pilot continues: "They’re still both (inaudible), you know what I mean? I still wouldn’t want anyone to know if I had banged them."
(Tones beeping)
"So, I mean it was a complete disaster for six months."
"Now I’m back in Houston, which is easily where the ugliest base is. I mean it’s all these fucking old dudes and grannies and there’s like maybe a handful of cute chicks."
ATC: "OK, someone’s got a stuck mic and, uh, telling us all about their endeavors. We don’t need to hear that."
(Stuck microphone episode ends)
(Silence)
(Five seconds later, other commercial pilots check in with controllers)
"Uh, Houston, Skywest 6285, we're (gives numbers for his heading) ...and that was not us."
ATC: (Chuckles) "Skywest 6285, Houston Center: Roger, Climb and maintain flight level 360."
Skywest pilot: "360, Skywest 6285….And they wonder why airline pilots have a bad reputation."
(ATC calls another plane with instructions.)
(Aircraft answers)
ATC: "Number 7 Hotel Bravo: (gives instructions) Final 240."
Aircraft answers "7 Hotel Bravo.....And it wasn’t us either." (beeping times 2)
ATC: 'Roger, I didn’t think that was you." (Recording ends)
(Stuck microphone begins) Southwest Pilot: "Well, I had Tucson to Indy all four weeks and, uh, Chicago crews…11 out of 12 …there’s 12 flight attendants, individual, never the same flight attendant twice.
"Eleven fucking over the top ass, fucking ass homosexuals and a granny." (silence)
"Eleven. I mean, think of the odds of that. I thought I was in Chicago, which was party-land."
(Possible attempt to interrupt by ATC)
Southwest Pilot: "After that, it was just a continuous stream of gays and grannies and grandes…" (off mic from his copilot - inaudible)
Pilot answers: "Well I don’t give a fuck. I hate 100 percent of their asses."
"So, six months, I went to the bar three times. In six months, three times." (Another possible attempt to interrupt by ATC)
"Once with the granny and the fag, and I wish I hadn’t gone."
"At the very end with two girls, one of them that was part do-able, but we ended up going to the bar and then to the crew at St. Louis, and all these two women wanted to do was, one wanted to berate her sister and the other wanted to bitch about her husband."
"Literally, for three hours, me and the F.O. (First officer). When that was done, got back to my room, I’m like why the fuck did I stay up?"
ATC: "OK, whoever is, uh, transmitting, better watch what you’re saying."
(Tones beeping)
Southwest Pilot continues: "They’re still both (inaudible), you know what I mean? I still wouldn’t want anyone to know if I had banged them."
(Tones beeping)
"So, I mean it was a complete disaster for six months."
"Now I’m back in Houston, which is easily where the ugliest base is. I mean it’s all these fucking old dudes and grannies and there’s like maybe a handful of cute chicks."
ATC: "OK, someone’s got a stuck mic and, uh, telling us all about their endeavors. We don’t need to hear that."
(Stuck microphone episode ends)
(Silence)
(Five seconds later, other commercial pilots check in with controllers)
"Uh, Houston, Skywest 6285, we're (gives numbers for his heading) ...and that was not us."
ATC: (Chuckles) "Skywest 6285, Houston Center: Roger, Climb and maintain flight level 360."
Skywest pilot: "360, Skywest 6285….And they wonder why airline pilots have a bad reputation."
(ATC calls another plane with instructions.)
(Aircraft answers)
ATC: "Number 7 Hotel Bravo: (gives instructions) Final 240."
Aircraft answers "7 Hotel Bravo.....And it wasn’t us either." (beeping times 2)
ATC: 'Roger, I didn’t think that was you." (Recording ends)
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